How I Got My Groove Back

I haven’t blogged in quite a while, so I just wanted to give everyone an update on my well-being and share some tactics I've used in dealing with life.

In March, we were dealt with some pretty bad news. It was a devastating blow to what we thought our future would be, and I was so lost on what to do next. Sometimes I still am, but I have made some pretty major steps to pull myself out of the stage of situational depression and self-pity. I know some of these things are going to sound easier said than done, but these are the life changes that helped me get my groove back after a forced life change of “involuntary childlessness.”

Start Working Out
I promise you, I don’t give a shit what my jeans size is. However, 3+ years of pregnancies, losing pregnancies, four surgeries, and many months of major fertility drugs REALLY messes with your body. It is about feeling strong again – a feeling I have not experienced in quite a while. I have been going to The Dailey Method for a few months now, and I am STRONGER physically and mentally than I have been in a very very long time. Find something that works for you, in style, proximity, and that fits with your schedule. The environment at The Dailey Method is positive, non-judgmental, and motivating. I am also lucky to have a studio only 1 block from… my new office! 

Get a New Job
I understand this is one of those “easier said than done” actions. I had been at Red Door Interactive for the past 7 ½ years – since we moved to San Diego in early 2007. I also got to work with my husband for the past 2 of them, which is a time I will always treasure and feel very lucky to have been able to do. My co-workers were like family (and still are), but with that came constant mental reminders of the past few years. It’s hard to explain, but I had so many deep personal moments and days and breakdowns in that office and I just couldn’t let it go. It was an amazing place to work, and so understanding and flexible through time off and what felt like a million doctor appointments, but since March I just felt lost. So, when I was approached through LinkedIn with an opportunity at a growing San Diego company, I thought it was good timing to explore it and make a big change in my life. The environment, location, and culture of The Control Group seemed like a good match so I took it. It was not an easy decision; I was comfortable at RDI (probably too much so), but I have no regrets and I have been at TCG almost 2 months now. I walk to & from work (over a mile & half per day!) through adorable Little Italy, which also helps me clear my head and enjoy my neighborhood. I work out at the aforementioned The Dailey Method on my lunch breaks, and participate in frequent Nerf Gun battles. I created a Pinterest Board for “Bring to Work Lunches” – so far I’ve been sporadically but increasingly successful on that front. The BEST mental benefit of my new job is that it is a DOG-FRIENDLY OFFICE. Seriously…

Surround Yourself with Animals

Yes, I now get to be around dogs all day, which makes my day. There are about 2-5 dogs in the office on a daily basis; this is truly amazing, literally (and I don’t use that word incorrectly) a dream come true. I have my French Bulldog obsession gratified by sitting next to dad of this snorting bundle of

cuteness, Ryder. I am pretty much besties with Peepers, aka Boston Terrier Problems / @bostonterrierproblems. Of course my sweet Puzzle is still my #1 girl and beyond cute. She has her own instagram profile now - @puzzle_oldladycat.

I also renewed my San Diego Zoo annual pass. Mr. Wu helped me through a lot of rough times, and now it’s fun to visit Aisha & the fam along with every other animal there!


Be Social Again

Especially now that I don’t see my best friends every day at the Red Door office, it’s more important than ever to have social outings. Going through so much and having the support from my girls that I have had, it makes me want to be a better friend. It is so essential to nurture friendships if they are two-way and I need to be one of those ways. It’s also still okay to decline events that may be uncomfortable, but I have enjoyed Sunday Funday Football parties, book club/movie & local play nights with the girls, a few weddings, and even a Roller Derby night!

Start/Keep up with Therapy Appointments
I can’t talk about or encourage this enough. I have been going to the same therapist for almost 7 years now – since before I even started thinking about wanting children so it did not initiate with that need. My regular appointments have helped me through so many of adulthood’s challenges, relationships, reactions, feelings, confusion, and has validated my thoughts and keeps me balanced. I am sure I could google thousands of articles on why it’s great to go to therapy, but I just saw this one today so I am including it: Lessons I’ve learned from going to therapy

Keep it Real
I did not write this post to announce to the world that “Everything is GREAT! Everything is FINE!” - I am still struggling to accept that I (most likely) will never have a child to complete the Bower Power team, and it has changed me forever. I still feel very alone in this situation since I know very few people who truly understand it. But, I need to make an effort and make choices to enjoy my days, laugh with my amazing husband, and keep moving forward.